Hazzardous Writings
by akaeve
Summary: Gibbs tries his hand at fan-fiction. Just a little story for fun.
1. The Idea

Gibbs sat at the dining room table, the notebook open at page one, blank, the pen in hand, but he was twirling it between his fingers. What was he trying to accomplish? He loved carpentry, the feel of the wood, but recently he was getting tired, his fingers sore, and of course his eyesight getting weaker. He had just passed the eye-test last medical the emphasis on just, but heaven forbid, he wasn't old enough to write his memoires yet, and he didn't fancy painting. But this had been prompted by something that had been said when they had been sitting round the bullpen, and Tony had been annoying Tim again, about his writing….

_**Flashback**_

"_Oh yeah some of the fan-fiction sites out there are….well you really have to be a FR21 to read some stories….I mean the things they write, say and make the characters do, are definitely illegal in some states. And these are women writing," Tony had been saying._

"Sites, DiNozzo?" Gibbs had enquired.

"Yeah, or there is AO3 which if you look at it funny, becomes AOs, and they do some funny things to men over there, but we have yet to see our Timmy there," as Tony now looked across and smiled at Tim, "That is unless he uses another penname, a nom de plume, a pseudonym."

"Names?" Gibbs had again enquired.

"Yeah, like Timmy here has made an anagram of his name, but…."

"But sometimes Boss, people use their jobs or part of their jobs, first pets, things like that," Tim had finished.

"What do people write? I mean I know McGee used us to base his novels on, but what is fan-fiction."

"Can be either a book or TV series or film or in-fact, anything where you take the characters and write about them, tell a story," Tim added, "And yes Tony I did write fan-fiction when I was younger, but have deleted before you try and search."

"So what you are saying, is people sort of script-write or write a story based on their favourite reads or TV programmes?"

"Yes Boss, just said that, and do you know that people write "Man from Uncle" stories and also one of the most popular fanfics is Harry Potter," Tony added.

**The Basement**

Gibbs shook his head, trying to gather his thoughts, this was silly but he looked down at what he had scribbled. Sniperboss…no too military, his car, a dodge challenger?…too long what about dodgerman, he dodged bullets and drove a dodge, yes Gibbs became dodgerman, now all he needed was an idea.

Gibbs poured himself a coffee from the pot, no bourbon while he was thinking. He thought of Jen in hot-pants and smiled, then why did he suddenly think of Kate and Tony when they had sent those photographs, Kate with the wet T-shirt, he could imagine her in short shorts, and Tony so butch, in the leather cowboy gear, no he couldn't, could he, but then he thought of Fornell and smiled. The dodge; the time he had let Fornell drive his car, when he had put his shoulder out. Gibbs laughed out-loud, as he thought of his father, in a rocker outside the store, but the store became a cabin, so he picked up the pen and began to write….


	2. The Story Beginning

**The Story**

It was just like any other day in Hazzard County, Luke and Bo Duke trying to outrun Rosco P Coltrane. Them "Good Ol' Boys", Bo and Luke had been dropping cousin Daisy off at the Boar's Nest, it was always convenient to have someone on the inside to spy on Boss Hogg, and he could be so underhand when pushed or even not pushed. They were on their way back when they spotted Rosco's car in the distance; it was doing the usual speed up slow down as if it was looking for the General Lee. Bo looked at Luke and smiled before putting to pedal to the metal, and with the tune "Dixie" playing through the morning air, they sped past the Sheriff's car sending up a cloud of dust which settled on the windshield, Enos' immediate reaction was to turn on the wipers, only to find the water turning the dust to a thick layer of mud, which now, obscuring the drivers line of vision made the car veer to the left and into the nearest ditch. The boys could just make out Rosco giving poor Enos a row…

-oOo-

The next day saw Rosco's patrol car limping up to the home of Uncle Jesse. Jesse was sitting on the porch, in the rocker sipping coffee, he sighed at the approaching vehicle which stopped with a backfire.

"Howdy Rosco," Jesse said, seeing Rosco and Enos step out the vehicle, Jesse smiled at the mud splattered car.

"Mornin' Jesse, was wonderin' if you'd seen those two good for nothin' hoodlums?"

"Nope, heard them leave before I rose," Jesse replied not hearing Daisy walk out the open door and stand by her uncle.

"Mornin' boys," as she blew Enos a kiss, and now hands on her hips did a little sway to one side, she could see Enos begin to redden under his collar.

"Mornin' Daisy, may a' say how nice you're lookin' today."

"Why thank you Enos, and what can we do for you, maybe I should hose your car down, maybe stretch over the bonnet and…." She didn't finish as Rosco slapped Enos on the head.

"We will have none of that Miss Daisy, Enos caused, so he can clean," Rosco replied as they heard the Dodge Charger V8 engine warble towards them.

"_Yeeeee-Haaa!_" Bo shouted as the car drove past, the "Dixie" horn, again resounding, disturbing the stillness of the morning, and Luke waving from the window.

"Ooo ooo ooo get in the car," Rosco shouted at poor Enos, as Enos started and then stalled the vehicle. Jesse and Daisy just smiled knowingly.

-oOo-

Gibbs looked down at his work, not bad for…5 hours work, was it really after midnight? He tipped up the coffee mug to find it empty and the percolator empty, not worth making more and he needed to think where the story was going to go, as he closed the notebook and carefully placed it on the book shelf between two books, he didn't want any prying eyes, crossing to the couch and pulling the blanket over himself he plumped up the pillow and drifted off to sleep.


	3. Story The Garage

Next morning Gibbs woke his head buzzing with ideas, but then again he couldn't remember them, maybe he should have that pen and paper by the couch. In his mind he had changed Jen for Ziva and had Tony as Enos, they played off each other well. Tim was going to be Cletus Hogg, he also had a thing for Ziva, but Abbs, he couldn't quite fit her in or could he….But Gibbs began to wonder was he becoming like Tim, it was becoming too easy to imagine your co-workers in roles.

**The story**

**The Garage**

The Sheriff's car was in at Cooter's garage again, 3rd time in 10 days. Cooter was decked out in a red overall, he was inspecting the vehicle all over with a torch, but looking down at Flash said, "Looks like them Dukes ran Boss Hogg's finest off the road again." Flash just looked back and barked.

"So call me Crazy Cooter, but them Duke Boys certainly know how to mess the suspension," not hearing Cletus Hogg appear in the forecourt.

"Talkin' to yourself Cooter?" Cletus questioned.

"Nope, talkin' to my buddy Flash here," Cooter smiled looking down at the dog who barked, "He's such a help, I wire up a camera and let him scooter about under the car, saves me getting dirty. You ever miss leaving the junkyard and becoming a sheriff?"

"Yep and nope, I miss doin' what you're doin', but at least I get to ride around in a police car looking important," Cletus replied.

"This ain't a social call is it?"

"Nope, Boss Hogg wants me to find them Duke Boys, Sheriff Edward Thomas Little of Chickasaw County filed a complaint. You ain't seen them today have you?" Cletus sighed.

"Big Ed? What the boys done this time?" Cooter asked.

"Usual, crossin' county line to evade Rosco, but Big Ed pulled his trusty 12 gauge and open fired, thinks he got the General Lee, so wondered if it had been in for repair," Cletus replied.

"Nope, but could ask them yourself," as Cooter pointed to the street and the General Lee pull up.

"Howdy Cletus, looking for us?" Luke enquired.

"Yep and nope, but Sheriff Little wonders if he hit the General. Fired on you boys, or so he says."

"Sure did, but didn't get us. Think Cooter you got another car coming in shortly," as Bo sounded the horn and they sped off into the distance.

"Good for business is all I can say, but you goin' to the barn dance Friday?" Cooter asked Cletus.

"Yep, I gotta get a dance with Miss Daisy."


	4. The Barn Dance

**The Story**

**Barn Dance**

The annual barn dance in Hazzard County brought in everyone; it was the hub of the year in as much as it was also like a harvest festival, the high light of the festival the Moonshiners produce. Uncle Jesse and Boss Hogg had in years gone by been rivals in the so called Ridgerunner Wars, but once a year they put their differences aside and judged the hard liquor competition. As usual things got a little out of hand, as everyone tried everyone-else's raw liquor.

But, this was also the time when the crooks from neighbouring counties took to a little light finger work, most of the time Rosco and his deputies knew who the culprits were, the local layabouts, but every now and again a real bad penny turned up. The barn dance was also the place for up and coming new bands to congregate, and one bad penny that always turned up was a record producer from Atlanta, by the name of Lester Starr, he had ties to the mob, always on the lookout for new talent and things to exploit, he wanted a piece of the action.

Now the easiest way to test the quality of moonshine was to pour a small quantity onto a soon and set it on fire. In theory a blue flame was safe but with bad moonshine, it was the flame the colour of the harvest moon, orange. Again if scrupulous distillation practises had been used, a radiator coil used in the condensing process then it would burn red hence the saying among ridgerunners "Lead burns red and makes you dead".

Now as you may have gathered, both Enos and Cletus had a thing for Miss Daisy and both were supposed to be on duty, but when it came to Miss Daisy's hand they both had their own interests at heart.

"Miss Daisy," Enos enquired, "May I have honour of the next dance?"

"Why Enos I would be delighted," as Daisy took his arm and they joined the other barn dancers on the floor.

So this was how the evening progressed, Enos and Cletus not exactly doing their job, but then the fire at the Bank would not have happened if they had.

-oOo-

Bo and Luke had been evading Rosco all day. They had helped Jesse erect the liquor tent, but had spied Lester, and now if there was one thing they smelt from Lester, apart from his over powering cologne, was the fact he was trouble, they smelt a rat, or was it a pet chimpanzee.

One of the local worthies havin' been sampling either his own or someone-else's hooch, had said he had spotted a chimp round town but where was the circus? Now folks the only circus was the barn dance, but the Dukes, they remembered someone by the name of Mary Beth Carter, they had driven a stock car for her, and she had a chimp. So where there was Mary, there could be her father, and where there was her father, there was never any smoke without fire.

So while Enos and Cletus were trying to "chat up" Daisy, and Rosco was trying to keep the law in the liquor tent, the local Bank was being targeted by gangsters.

Bo and Luke drove round town looking.

Now you have to remember that back in them good ol' days there were no mobile phones, but what they did have was CB radio, so Luke fired up the radio.

"Breaker one, Lost Sheep to Crazy Cooter you copy?"

"Breaker one, Crazy Cooter hears you loud and clear, come on."

"Crazy Cooter, what's your 20?" Luke asked.

"Going for go-go juice at the barn," came the reply.

"Cooter, need the Boys Scouts," Luke answered.

"Affirmative, but why?"

"Bank bein' robbed," Luke answered, as Bo put the hammer down and shouted "Yeee haaaaa." The pair tore off to apprehend their old adversaries.


	5. The Bank Heist

**The Story**

**The Bank Heist**

Bo and Luke hid The General round the back of the store. Luke went in to buy bananas. If there was one way of catching a monkey, it was with bananas.

Luke began to scatter the bananas about, they thought they had seen a shape lurking between the dumpsters, but they need to lure it out. Bo had grabbed an old fishing net from the trunk, always good to have a net for illegal poaching or for catching the odd critter.

They watched and waited. They eventually had their target in sight, and with a few more bananas they lured the chimp along the sidewalk and threw the netting over the creature, which of course screeched and squealed blue murder, but lifting the now terrified animal into a sack, they securely tied the sack and headed off to the Sheriff's office to place the critter in a cell.

It was on the way there they spied the State Police driving slowly up and down the street,

"You boys seen Rosco?" they asked.

"Sure Officer, he is up at the Barn Dance with his two deputes," Luke replied.

"You boys been fishin' or thevin'?," one of the Officers asked seeing the sack moving about.

"Could say we caught a sneak thief," Luke replied as he held up the sack, "Here is one cheeky monkey, and I think if you search the Bank walls you'll find that someone has been setting charges to blow a hole in the wall, puts a whole new meaning to the phrase _Getting cash from the hole in the wall_."

The boys looked on as the State Police took the now quiet sack and placed it in the back of the patrol car.

"Better put a sheet down, not sure what it may do," Luke offered, "But you needing any help, we thought the chimp would lead us to the ring leaders and so were goin' to let if free soon."

"Ok Boys you found the critter, you do your part we'll stake out the bank and see who turns up to collect," as the second officer reopened the car door and retrieved the chimp, who started to shake the sack before they watched a wet mark appear on the sacking.

Bo and Luke smiled as they let the now terrified chip out the bag and watch it run down the sidewalk and round the corner, straight into the arms of Mary Beth who picked up the chimp and tried to pacify before going to find her father.

Now you may have been wondering about the Barn dance and of Rosco, Enos and Sletus. Boss Hogg had heard the State Police were on their way and had ordered Rosco and his deputies to return to town, but on the way back they say smoke and heard a bang, yes the side of the bank was blown, but they needn't have worried, for when they arrived the State Police had the gang tied up and were waiting for back up. The Duke Boys they were sitting on the bonnet of the General pleased as punch, their arms folded. Oh yeah they were _fightin' the system like a two modern-day Robin Hoods._

The End

-oOo-

Gibbs re-read again, corrected any misspellings. He had found a slightly obscure fan-fiction site which only had 105 writers; this was where he would post his story. He wasn't all that computer savvy, but with a little help from someone called _'puterkena' _he managed to post his story. He thought for a moment _ken a'_ was that not Scots for "_know all"_? Ducky? It didn't matter; he needed a beer, so he got up from the computer and headed to the kitchen. Returning he saw the flashing light, he had mail, opening he found 3 messages, he sat back down with the beer and opened:

_MitsyBo: nice to have you join our fandom, loved your story._

_Daisychain: now how come, I can see that happening?_

_Luluthebooboo: Bahhhh haven't laughed so much since don't know when. Lukeing forward, to your next story._

Gibbs just sat back and placed his hands behind his head and smiled. Oh yes, he could get used to this, he now knew how Tim must feel when he wrote, as he now drained the bottle, and thought of his next fan-fic.

THE END


End file.
